Understanding "Leave"
"Leaving", in this context, doesn't imply severing all ties from your parents or family. Instead, it means the transition from the primary relational connection being with your parents to being with your spouse.
Emotional Independence: Leaving implies emotional maturity where you are capable of making decisions without overly relying on your parents' opinions. While respecting and valuing parental advice is important, making independent decisions with your spouse becomes crucial after marriage.
Financial Independence: Ideally, leaving also includes financial independence where you're not overly dependent on family wealth or parental support.
Physical Separation: While not always feasible due to cultural or economic reasons, physical separation often forms part of "leaving. " This might mean moving into a different home rather than staying in the family house.
The Concept of "Cleave"
"Cleaving", on the other hand, is about building a unique bond with your spouse. It's about crafting an unwavering commitment and creating a distinct entity – a new family unit.
Emotional Bond: Cleaving involves developing an emotional bond that respects each other's individuality while functioning as a united front when facing life's challenges together.
Mutual Respect: This includes holding mutual respect for each other’s feelings and experiences and valuing their viewpoints as much as yours.
Shared Goals and Values: Having shared life goals, family vision, and values play an integral part in the process of cleaving.
Understanding Leaving
In the context of marriage, leaving signifies creating healthy distance between one's previous family (parents or guardians) and the new family unit that is formed. This does not necessarily mean physical distance; in many cases, it refers to an emotional or mental change.
Independence: A married couple should make decisions independently, consulting with their parents but not allowing them to have the final say.
Boundaries: Clear boundaries should be set both for the couple and for their respective families. This could relate to things like visits, holidays, or even involvement in personal affairs.
Priorities: The marital relationship should be prioritized above other familial relationships. The spouse's needs should come before those of parents or siblings.
Understanding Cleaving
Cleaving is often interpreted as sticking together through thick and thin. This implies more than just physical closeness; it refers to a deep emotional bond that ties a couple together no matter what comes their way.
Commitment: A strong commitment is at the heart of cleaving. Both partners must be dedicated to maintaining their relationship, regardless of external pressures or difficulties.
Unity: A couple who cleaves well acts as a team. They work together towards shared goals and support each other's individual aspirations.
Intimacy: Emotional intimacy is key in cleaving. This means sharing thoughts, feelings, successes, and failures with one another.
"Leaving and cleaving" is a term mostly used in the context of marriage. In modern terms, this phrase can be interpreted as forming a new, strong bond with your spouse while establishing independence from your parents or previous family unit.
Leaving Your Previous Family Unit
When you get married, "leaving" does not necessarily mean abandoning your family or cutting ties with them. It involves creating an emotional separation where your primary concern shifts to your spouse. This means that decision-making should be focused on what is best for you and your spouse as a couple, rather than what might please or antagonize the families you grew up in.
This can be challenging especially during holidays when decisions need to be made about where to spend them. It might involve setting boundaries with parents or siblings who are used to having more input into your life choices. However, it's important for the health of your marriage that your spouse feels prioritized over others.
Cleaving To Your Spouse
"Cleaving” means to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly. In a marital context, this implies forging a strong bond with each other — emotionally, spiritually, physically — so that you become one cohesive unit.
Emotional intimacy: Sharing hopes, dreams and fears openly.
Spiritual intimacy: If both partners are religious believers they can draw closer by sharing their faith.
Physical intimacy: Regular touch (not just sexual) fosters closeness.
Intellectual intimacy: Engage in stimulating conversations on subjects that interest both of you.
Marriage is not simply about two individuals living together—it’s about two becoming one. This doesn’t mean losing your individuality, but rather, it means working together to create a shared life.
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