At that moment, Kevin stopped dead in his tracks. A deep conviction to change came over him. He tried to deny it, talk himself out of it and continue living as he had for years: in denial, carting around buried anger, sporting a victim mentality and implementing very destructive, defective coping mechanisms. It obviously hasn't worked. Thankfully, the conviction was greater than his old thought patterns and something inside had changed. He became painfully aware of his defects and knew they wouldn’t work any more. He was sick and tired of being sick and tired. He was fed up with the nagging thoughts of being a victim. There was an endless tape player in his thoughts that said he didn’t measure up, he is defective and he must wear a mask fooling the world into believing he had it all together. Clearly he didn’t.
This is often the state of being when one carries wounds of the past. They are buried deep in the unconscious mind. The initial purpose is to defend one from the pain of dealing with all the ugliness and stress of contending with old childhood emotional hurts that have no place to be comforted and having the overwhelming fear of being rejected and left alone to fend for oneself. This is often the “clever” mechanism a child will incorporate when faced with such pain. “Survival 101”.
It may have worked back then, but it doesn’t now.
There is a point in our maturation process that we become aware of the ineffectiveness of our old coping mechanisms, the path of destruction they are paving in our relationships and goals for our need to change the course we are on. Adulting 101.
When you are standing at this crossroads and the old no longer serves you a decision needs to be made. This decision will define your future so its critical to listen to the voice of reason. Many do not heed the voice and end up in a perpetual survival mode well into their adult years.
This doesn’t need to be you. Here are your choices:
1. Refuse to let go of the hurts and carry them around forever. They will feel like a weight upon your shoulders, keeping you from the goals and dreams you aspire to reach. You are choosing to mold the future through the lens of this pain.
2. Denounce the perpetrator of your pain and continue to fuel the anger, the blame and wear a victim badge. You are choosing an identity having this negative energy mold your future.
3. Deal soberly with the past issues. This will require an investment of your time, energy and resources to pursue this path. You will be asked to feel the pain from the past, work out the thoughts, feelings and emotions associated with the pain and ultimately make peace with what was. Its a deep, cathartic roadway to healing. This brings true freedom and future victory.
Dr. Anita J. Arrunategui/ Images: Canva Pro
The content published is for informational purposes. The content included in this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
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