Relationship Reflection: Am I a Poor Listener?
- Anita Arrunategui
- 6 days ago
- 2 min read
Listening is one of the most fundamental skills in any relationship, particularly in marriage. It is more than just hearing words. It involves understanding, empathy, and the ability to create a safe space for open communication. Being a poor listener can inadvertently create distance between you and your spouse, leading to feelings of frustration or disconnection.
Let’s explore what being a poor listener may look like and how you can actively improve this essential skill.
Signs You May Be a Poor Listener
Interrupting frequently: Cutting off your spouse mid-sentence or jumping in with your own thoughts before they finish speaking
Being distracted: Checking your phone, looking at the TV, or thinking about something else while your spouse is talking
Jumping to solutions: Offering advice or solutions immediately instead of simply listening to their concerns or emotions
Invalidating their feelings: Responding with phrases like "That's not a big deal" or "You're overreacting," which can dismiss their emotional experience
Listening to respond rather than understand: Focusing on what you'll say next instead of fully absorbing their words
Recognizing these signs doesn’t mean you're failing as a spouse—it means you're identifying opportunities for growth.
Why Listening Matters
Good listening builds trust, prevents miscommunication, and deepens emotional intimacy. When your spouse feels truly heard, it helps create a stronger sense of connection and safety in your relationship. You’re not just exchanging words—you’re showing that their thoughts and emotions matter to you.
Practical Tips for Becoming a Better Listener
Put away distractions. Silence your phone, turn off the TV, and focus on the person in front of you.
Reflect what you hear. Repeat key points back:
Spouse: “I felt overwhelmed at work today.”
You: “It sounds like work was really stressful for you.”
Ask thoughtful questions. Try “How did that make you feel?” or “What can I do to support you?”
Set aside time for conversation. Don’t wait until conflict arises—make space for regular, uninterrupted check-ins.
Resist the urge to interrupt. Even if you disagree or feel the need to explain, let them finish first.
Reflect on Your Own Behaviors
Improving your listening starts with self-awareness.
Ask yourself:
When my spouse is sharing something important, do I give them my full attention?
Do I show empathy and acknowledge their feelings, or do I try to fix things right away?
Am I allowing distractions—either external or internal—to get in the way of being present?
Small shifts in how you listen can make a big difference in how connected and supported your partner feels.
Developing better listening habits takes effort, but demonstrates care and respect for your partner's thoughts and emotions, and this foundation of respect strengthens every aspect of marriage over time.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. If you’re ready to strengthen your communication and reconnect in your relationship, Relational Skills can help.
Visit www.relationalskills.org or call (941) 241-2810 to learn more.