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Pornography and Loneliness

Updated: Jan 19, 2023

"Ugh! I can't believe all this rush hour traffic!" exclaimed Rich to his coworker. I just can not wait to get back home. The office was hectic and I deserve a break tonight. Nothing will stop me from watching the whole game, not even a fire. Maybe after the game, I will do something constructive. The bills are piling up, and Jane has begged me to fix that leaky sink."

Well, Rich's favorite team lost again; 10-2. So after three hours of mindless TV, and since his wife and kids had already shuffled off to bed without so much as a hug, Rich recluses down to the basement where his Triple-X channels are available for viewing. It's that easy!

Now, a drug addict stealthily combs the neighborhood for his drug of choice, but it doesn't take much effort for the one hooked on pornography! He grabs the channel changer, and his drug of choice (dopamine) flows from his brain, producing a pleasant and pacifying feeling as he responds to the images on the screen. It's that simple.

Here's a quiz question:

Is pornography addiction due to the media, our "free love" culture or a genetic problem? Could it be all of the above? None of the above?

If you answered none of the above, you are right. Although some of these realities could enhance the epidemic use of pornography today, they are not the cause. One of the most relevant factors promoting sexual addiction is loneliness or lack of intimacy.

The definition of being intimate with another person means you are able to reveal your innermost self to that person without fear or shame. Your innermost being consists of your emotions, thoughts, and desires. "Sexual addiction is not about sex," says Todd Frye, a clinical sexual addiction specialist in Kansas. "The bulk of those who present with sexual addiction have more of an "intimacy" disorder than a sexual disorder." Sex addicts might use sexual gratification as a way of creating "metaphoric connections" to serve unmet intimacy needs. In contrast, others may use sex to deal with feelings of disconnection and the inability to create relationships with others.

The surge of social media paradoxically is associated with an increase in loneliness, as reported in the Cigna U.S. Loneliness Index: "One reason why younger people may feel more isolated could be associated with their greater tendency to use social media. The study found an increasing correlation between social media usage and feelings of loneliness. Seven out of 10 heavy social media users, 73 %, reported feelings of loneliness, up from 53% a year ago. That compares to 52% of light social media users feeling lonely, up from 47% a year ago. "

Rich, whom we mentioned earlier, is exchanging genuine deep human connection for this "metaphoric connection."

Rich needs his family, and his family needs Rich. Our whole being, especially our hearts (mind and emotions), desperately need to be nourished continually through deep, genuine relationships. No matter the issues you may face or the relationships that need repair, there is help. “You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending..." CS Lewis  

JM Arrunategui/Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing Jay Stringer 2018 page 4/Stacy Notaras Murphy, "It's Not about Sex," Counseling Today, December 1, 2011/Cigna Loneliness And The Work Place 2020 U.S. Report page 18. 


The content published is for informational purposes. The content included in this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. 

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